OPINION: Cheer up
Invented some time in the 1880s by an unrecorded individual, the phrase Cheer Up has spread much like a virus or a particularly vivid Mills and Boon at the Kapiti Coast district library. Like many phrases it is guaranteed to have the opposite effect of what it suggests and is often the last thing said before brutal physical assaults. Calm Down
From a standing start it takes just 1.72 seconds for a person to become uncontrollably enraged once asked to Calm Down and thus, like Cheer Up is a phrase used only by trouble-makers and those without gorm. Often heard preceding shooting incidents, it is loved by American police officers and other gun nuts.
It will be all right
Well of course it will be all right in the long run but in the short term, namely your physical lifetime, things definitely are not. Saying this to someone is like offering a bandaid to a drowning man and only compounds the feelings of defeat, despair and disgust at your poor display of sympathy.
Perhaps think about replacing with You're buggered now mate. People will appreciate your honesty.
I know where you are coming from
Whoever says this certainly does not know where you have come from but is very keen to tell you about the places from which they departed. The best way to deal with these people is to suggest, using a question, a place for these people to travel to. A common phrase begins why don't you just . . .
To be honest
Whenever you hear this you should immediately pretend you are riding a horse and pull hard on its reins while saying "whoa" in a deep manly voice. Someone who tells you they are now being honest with you was almost certainly being dishonest with you up to that point. Or they are pulling the double switcheroo and being dishonest now after a bout of honesty. Regardless, pretend to keep listening to this person but know the contents of their head are good for nothing but Q-tips.
We need to talk
Though "we" is generally used to denote two or more people, in this phrase it must be read as "I". It is usually a precursor to other phrases such as I need you to validate my feelings, Sometimes I just feel like I'm in this by myself and I'm going to my mother's. It is used almost exclusively by women but men have been known to say it too. Of course, this is usually when describing to other men the moments preceding a particularly trying period of their lives.
How are you?
Means hello and should be treated as such. Answering in anything but the affirmative will confuse people and make them suspicious of you.
I'm on your side
Often said before you realised you were even in a battle, hearing this should make you very suspicious. This is a cousin of we're all in this together - a phrase big managers ask middle managers to say to employees taking a pay cut.
At the end of the day
Almost completely without meaning this phrase is said by people whose life is lived in a similar way.
Are we good?
Before our TV channels were saturated with American fantasy- crime melodramas with embarrassingly puerile plots, this phrase would have more likely have been Have we resolved the conflict that led you and I to be upset with each other? No longer. Some say this is a dumbing down of the English language. Others say you can't make stupid any stupider.
You have my full support
Hear this and you've had it. For some reason you can probably not fathom you are about to become the sacrificial lamb, the expendable scapegoat, the person everyone talks about in hushed tones. The offer of full support is as sincere as a rabbit buck promising not to propagate. Call your Mum, your Dad and kiss goodbye to your family. Think about moving to Finland or some other strange little place where it's dark much of the time.
I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed
Used by parents world wide to take a normal telling off to the next level. Hear it and you are supposed to feel shame that you have not met the expectations of those who love you. However, don't be trapped into that reaction.
What you should really be feeling is indignation that they obviously have such a poor grip on who you are they could have ever expected anything more.
- Taranaki Daily News
Invented some time in the 1880s by an unrecorded individual, the phrase Cheer Up has spread much like a virus or a particularly vivid Mills and Boon at the Kapiti Coast district library. Like many phrases it is guaranteed to have the opposite effect of what it suggests and is often the last thing said before brutal physical assaults. Calm Down
From a standing start it takes just 1.72 seconds for a person to become uncontrollably enraged once asked to Calm Down and thus, like Cheer Up is a phrase used only by trouble-makers and those without gorm. Often heard preceding shooting incidents, it is loved by American police officers and other gun nuts.
It will be all right
Well of course it will be all right in the long run but in the short term, namely your physical lifetime, things definitely are not. Saying this to someone is like offering a bandaid to a drowning man and only compounds the feelings of defeat, despair and disgust at your poor display of sympathy.
Perhaps think about replacing with You're buggered now mate. People will appreciate your honesty.
I know where you are coming from
Whoever says this certainly does not know where you have come from but is very keen to tell you about the places from which they departed. The best way to deal with these people is to suggest, using a question, a place for these people to travel to. A common phrase begins why don't you just . . .
To be honest
Whenever you hear this you should immediately pretend you are riding a horse and pull hard on its reins while saying "whoa" in a deep manly voice. Someone who tells you they are now being honest with you was almost certainly being dishonest with you up to that point. Or they are pulling the double switcheroo and being dishonest now after a bout of honesty. Regardless, pretend to keep listening to this person but know the contents of their head are good for nothing but Q-tips.
We need to talk
Though "we" is generally used to denote two or more people, in this phrase it must be read as "I". It is usually a precursor to other phrases such as I need you to validate my feelings, Sometimes I just feel like I'm in this by myself and I'm going to my mother's. It is used almost exclusively by women but men have been known to say it too. Of course, this is usually when describing to other men the moments preceding a particularly trying period of their lives.
How are you?
Means hello and should be treated as such. Answering in anything but the affirmative will confuse people and make them suspicious of you.
I'm on your side
Often said before you realised you were even in a battle, hearing this should make you very suspicious. This is a cousin of we're all in this together - a phrase big managers ask middle managers to say to employees taking a pay cut.
At the end of the day
Almost completely without meaning this phrase is said by people whose life is lived in a similar way.
Are we good?
Before our TV channels were saturated with American fantasy- crime melodramas with embarrassingly puerile plots, this phrase would have more likely have been Have we resolved the conflict that led you and I to be upset with each other? No longer. Some say this is a dumbing down of the English language. Others say you can't make stupid any stupider.
You have my full support
Hear this and you've had it. For some reason you can probably not fathom you are about to become the sacrificial lamb, the expendable scapegoat, the person everyone talks about in hushed tones. The offer of full support is as sincere as a rabbit buck promising not to propagate. Call your Mum, your Dad and kiss goodbye to your family. Think about moving to Finland or some other strange little place where it's dark much of the time.
I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed
Used by parents world wide to take a normal telling off to the next level. Hear it and you are supposed to feel shame that you have not met the expectations of those who love you. However, don't be trapped into that reaction.
What you should really be feeling is indignation that they obviously have such a poor grip on who you are they could have ever expected anything more.
- Taranaki Daily News
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