OPINION: Despite a pea-sized brain and an obvious delight in eating bugs the chicken is a creature of some character. Of the three I have there is the Embittered Team Leader, the Curious George and that kid that always used to run home to Mum when the naughty things started happening. Her real name is Dorothy but I prefer to think of her as Sooky Tim.
As I am the one with the food I am ultimately their boss and they respect that by simultaneously squatting and hopping on the spot when I am in their presence. (I like to think they are showing me deference rather than confusing me with a rooster, or, as some call it, a Cock.)
The relationship the chickens and I have developed is not unlike that which plays out in any workplace where pea-sized brains also offer no impediment to character development.
Every workplace has exactly the same cast of characters.
The boss is the main character but ever-cautious human resources officers stop them from interacting with the workers at any meaningful level, just in case they make a comment that can be misconstrued as a poke at the inordinately large size of Miss Wilcox's thighs and land the company with a costly and embarrassing employment tribunal case.
The fear of such a thing happening is caused by the workplace Betweentheliner.
A Betweentheliner has a similar grasp of the nuances of the English language as that of a pumpkin and sees conspiracy at every turn. Should someone ask them if they want a cup of tea it will be assessed as a statement of their desire to take over the Betweentheliner's job, even if it is little more than Deputy-Chief Stamp Licker (nights).
The Betweentheliner's arch enemy is the Funnyguy. That the Funnyguy cries himself to sleep at night is an open secret but at work this is gently overlooked to allow them to build a semblance of self-esteem.
The Funnyguy gets it right most of the time but his wit will hit the wrong mark on 12.7 per cent of occasions. However, this success-to-failure ratio is completely reversed when dealing with the Betweentheliner. They believe the Funnyguy is out to bring them down, even if the Funnyguy is already so down he talks to John Kirwan on Facebook.
Regardless, the Betweentheliner will turn to the Inbetweener after every encounter with the Funnyguy because the Inbetweener is the only one who will listen to them.
The Inbetweener identifies with no workplace group and yet is an accepted periphery member at each. This means they are the only person who knows even a little bit about the Mysteryguy.
Mysteryguy has been working in the same job for 24 years but no one knows what that job is. Neither can they tell you their age, marital status or lunch routine. Most people know more about the workings of the fuel injector mechanism on an inter- continental ballistic missile than they know about Mysteryguy.
However, the Inbetweener will throw a bone out now and then such as details about the boat Mysteryguy owns or the time he orchestrated a coup in Peru.
Nothing much is known about Mysteryguy but he is preferable to his polar opposite: Openbook.
The Openbook is closely related to the Hundredworder in that both cram a lot more words into their conversation than is entirely necessary.
Even if you don't want to know, the Openbook will detail their difficult relationship with their mother and cherry top that with the high and lows of colonic surgery. The Hundredworder does a similar job on work- related issues. A simple request to dig a hole might be prefaced by a definition of a hole, a description of a text-book hole and a lesson on its history.
This may just turn the Notimer homicidal. They always claim they have a bigger workload than anyone else and only put up with it because no one else can do the job properly. It is well known the Notimer actually has less to do than anyone else and is a bit useless, but because of all their huffing and puffing it is safer just to let them be.
The greatest wish of any worker is that the Howdidthathappen would do the same for them. How the Howdidthathappen worker got to their position of authority defies explanation but now that they have it they are making the most of it. This usually involves ordering people to do things that seem utterly mad and without reason, other than to prove to the Howdidthathappen worker that they indeed hold a dangerous amount of power.
Examples of Howdidthathappen madness include quarterly performance reviews, inventory control on individual post-its, compulsory ironing of underwear and invading Iraq.
- Taranaki Daily News
As I am the one with the food I am ultimately their boss and they respect that by simultaneously squatting and hopping on the spot when I am in their presence. (I like to think they are showing me deference rather than confusing me with a rooster, or, as some call it, a Cock.)
The relationship the chickens and I have developed is not unlike that which plays out in any workplace where pea-sized brains also offer no impediment to character development.
Every workplace has exactly the same cast of characters.
The boss is the main character but ever-cautious human resources officers stop them from interacting with the workers at any meaningful level, just in case they make a comment that can be misconstrued as a poke at the inordinately large size of Miss Wilcox's thighs and land the company with a costly and embarrassing employment tribunal case.
The fear of such a thing happening is caused by the workplace Betweentheliner.
A Betweentheliner has a similar grasp of the nuances of the English language as that of a pumpkin and sees conspiracy at every turn. Should someone ask them if they want a cup of tea it will be assessed as a statement of their desire to take over the Betweentheliner's job, even if it is little more than Deputy-Chief Stamp Licker (nights).
The Betweentheliner's arch enemy is the Funnyguy. That the Funnyguy cries himself to sleep at night is an open secret but at work this is gently overlooked to allow them to build a semblance of self-esteem.
The Funnyguy gets it right most of the time but his wit will hit the wrong mark on 12.7 per cent of occasions. However, this success-to-failure ratio is completely reversed when dealing with the Betweentheliner. They believe the Funnyguy is out to bring them down, even if the Funnyguy is already so down he talks to John Kirwan on Facebook.
Regardless, the Betweentheliner will turn to the Inbetweener after every encounter with the Funnyguy because the Inbetweener is the only one who will listen to them.
The Inbetweener identifies with no workplace group and yet is an accepted periphery member at each. This means they are the only person who knows even a little bit about the Mysteryguy.
Mysteryguy has been working in the same job for 24 years but no one knows what that job is. Neither can they tell you their age, marital status or lunch routine. Most people know more about the workings of the fuel injector mechanism on an inter- continental ballistic missile than they know about Mysteryguy.
However, the Inbetweener will throw a bone out now and then such as details about the boat Mysteryguy owns or the time he orchestrated a coup in Peru.
Nothing much is known about Mysteryguy but he is preferable to his polar opposite: Openbook.
The Openbook is closely related to the Hundredworder in that both cram a lot more words into their conversation than is entirely necessary.
Even if you don't want to know, the Openbook will detail their difficult relationship with their mother and cherry top that with the high and lows of colonic surgery. The Hundredworder does a similar job on work- related issues. A simple request to dig a hole might be prefaced by a definition of a hole, a description of a text-book hole and a lesson on its history.
This may just turn the Notimer homicidal. They always claim they have a bigger workload than anyone else and only put up with it because no one else can do the job properly. It is well known the Notimer actually has less to do than anyone else and is a bit useless, but because of all their huffing and puffing it is safer just to let them be.
The greatest wish of any worker is that the Howdidthathappen would do the same for them. How the Howdidthathappen worker got to their position of authority defies explanation but now that they have it they are making the most of it. This usually involves ordering people to do things that seem utterly mad and without reason, other than to prove to the Howdidthathappen worker that they indeed hold a dangerous amount of power.
Examples of Howdidthathappen madness include quarterly performance reviews, inventory control on individual post-its, compulsory ironing of underwear and invading Iraq.
- Taranaki Daily News
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