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Facebook has changed the way friendship works

Before Zuckerberg stole Harvard’s student list, people had a group of four or five friends that usually met face to face to do the whole “friendship” thing. Now, we connect with people around the world, meeting and talking with people we’d otherwise never have met, and having more “friends” than would normally be possible.

This slovenly, unintelligent looking comedy writer, for example, has, at present, 468 Facebook friends. Which is, I might add, 468 more than he has in real life.
“Friends” is in air quotes because while some of your Internet posse may in fact be a real friend, most of them are people you friend as part of a list, and otherwise never communicate with them again. But there are some “friends” you make through Facebook that, for one reason or another, is a Goddamn HUGE mistake. Here are some classic stereotypes of “friends” you don’t want on your Wall:

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