Where Is This Relationship Going?

QUESTION from the WomensHappiness Forum:

My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. We have been through up and down life stages together. He is the King type of personality, and I am a one-half Warrior and one-half Magician. I want to know why we are still together after two and a half years and understand where the relationship is going. Everything is great in my work life. I need to finally know why we're together and whether we are a good match for the future.

ANSWER:
There are two sides to this question. First, there is your ability to assess how good you and your boyfriend are at compatibility and partnership. Have you and your boyfriend become good partners for each other? Are you able to collaborate on joint projects, like throwing a party or grocery shopping? Do you have a compatibility that makes you two an effective team at dealing with life's challenges? If so, then you might be suited for the long term. If you still don't know, you'll have to pay attention to this aspect of the relationship. Partnership is covered in the Seventh Sense Program along with all key aspects of healthy relationships and courtship.

 In addition, you are assessing your personality styles, as covered in the KWML Mastery program. Our natural personality styles are an important factor in long-term relationships, particularly in being able to be friends and partners who compliment each other. If he is a King and you are a Warrior-Magician, then you might have a healthy personality dynamic. Again, you have to assess the results. Do you have fun together, most of the time? Are you naturally drawn to each other?

The other side is his side, and his ongoing sexual attraction to you. Is he continually coming back to you to win you over? This is the aspect of competition in Step 3 of Sexual Attraction that is covered in the the Seventh Sense Program. By competing for you and having to win you over, he draws more masculinity from being with you. A higher level of masculinity means that he feels more passionate about life, about your relationship, and about YOU. To get this, you must challenge him, yes, but not in a hostile or bossy way. You do not need to "make him work for it." Rather, it's a team effort where you challenge him, again and again, in a fun, flirtatious way. You want him to win, and you give him a chance to enjoy pursuing you, again and again! Perhaps you did not let this aspect of courtship develop in the early stages of your relationship? And now, you sense his ambivalence. You can enliven your relationship by challenging him again while also being a steadfast support and partner (not an adversary). More on how to gently, flirtatious challenge your man in the free Girl's Night Out audio program.  

Where Is This Relationship Going?

QUESTION from the WomensHappiness Forum:

My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. We have been through up and down life stages together. He is the King type of personality, and I am a one-half Warrior and one-half Magician. I want to know why we are still together after two and a half years and understand where the relationship is going. Everything is great in my work life. I need to finally know why we're together and whether we are a good match for the future.

ANSWER:
There are two sides to this question. First, there is your ability to assess how good you and your boyfriend are at compatibility and partnership. Have you and your boyfriend become good partners for each other? Are you able to collaborate on joint projects, like throwing a party or grocery shopping? Do you have a compatibility that makes you two an effective team at dealing with life's challenges? If so, then you might be suited for the long term. If you still don't know, you'll have to pay attention to this aspect of the relationship. Partnership is covered in the Seventh Sense Program along with all key aspects of healthy relationships and courtship.

 In addition, you are assessing your personality styles, as covered in the KWML Mastery program. Our natural personality styles are an important factor in long-term relationships, particularly in being able to be friends and partners who compliment each other. If he is a King and you are a Warrior-Magician, then you might have a healthy personality dynamic. Again, you have to assess the results. Do you have fun together, most of the time? Are you naturally drawn to each other?

The other side is his side, and his ongoing sexual attraction to you. Is he continually coming back to you to win you over? This is the aspect of competition in Step 3 of Sexual Attraction that is covered in the the Seventh Sense Program. By competing for you and having to win you over, he draws more masculinity from being with you. A higher level of masculinity means that he feels more passionate about life, about your relationship, and about YOU. To get this, you must challenge him, yes, but not in a hostile or bossy way. You do not need to "make him work for it." Rather, it's a team effort where you challenge him, again and again, in a fun, flirtatious way. You want him to win, and you give him a chance to enjoy pursuing you, again and again! Perhaps you did not let this aspect of courtship develop in the early stages of your relationship? And now, you sense his ambivalence. You can enliven your relationship by challenging him again while also being a steadfast support and partner (not an adversary). More on how to gently, flirtatious challenge your man in the free Girl's Night Out audio program.  

When Femininity Isn't Enough

By Dr. Paul Dobransky, WomensHappiness.com, Founder
Sometimes, our instincts are not enough to guide our decisions in this world. This goes for men and women. We need to take into account the community, and also the instincts and perspectives of the opposite gender.
Take, for example, the recent controversy surrounding the President and Creative Director of J. Crew, Jenna Lyons.
This mother and titan of business (she has been mentioned as a potential CEO for this powerful clothing brand) featured her young son in photographic company promotional materials - ostensibly to show that her family uses J Crew clothing, and that she is accessible and down-to-earth. We do not doubt that she, like all good mothers, loves her child.
Yet there's something in the photo that bothers me.
Why?
She is painting her five-year-old son's toenails hot pink.
Many women have written us about this and said things like, "Come on. Relax. It's just a touching moment between mother and son."
My own executive assistant even chimed in to that effect, having a young son herself, and having indulged in the same activity. Yet in her case - she is a woman with great savvy about men's thinking, identity, and behavior - one would not be worried about the future outcome for her PARTICULAR son.
The same is possibly true of the J. Crew President and her son, but that is not the point. In individual exceptional cases, potentially damaging behavior can work out okay in the end. But the photo is not an exemplary example for millions of parents on the receiving end of the advertising message.
A recommendation for healthy growth and development for half of humanity - men - ought not be derived from one charming moment between mother and son. The photo is broadcasting that it's normal and okay to do this, when it really is not. And the issue is not limited to feeling comfortable in one's relation to a mother, to creative expression, or to the tolerance of varying gender identities in others. The biggest problem with the photo has received very little attention in the media: bullying.

Bullying is the problem

One big, bold, blatant worry a typical male and father might see in the photo is that of bullying. The photo is an announcement of open season on one's son for the schoolyard jerks and others, including hurtful comments from female classmates, which are no less devastating to the developing male psyche.
Bullying is perpetrated more frequently perpetrated in emotional violence - and by girls too - than by physical violence. See the ground-breaking research on emotional bullying surrounding the Columbine tragedy by Dr. Robert Galatzer-Levy of the University of Chicago.
Bullying is more than physical. Hurtful words - coming from the mouths of girls as well as boys - delivers a blow to the young psyche that is no different than a punch to the face. I know this on a personal level, too. I was the object of relentless emotional bullying all through grade school. Few people ever knew - not teachers, not my parents, and not even my brothers.
Why? Because a boy's masculine instinct discourages him from complaining to others or seeking help for mere "emotional bullying." Boy and man alike will "suck it up" and absorb the psychic damage. We do not wish to appear weak to other boys or men. It makes sense that we have this instinct. In earlier times, appearing weak to other men in the tribe, to women, and to those outside of the tribe would mean certain harm or death.
A boy knowing that he let himself down and couldn't defend himself will find it hard to look in the mirror.
One typical retort you may hear if you disagreed with the ad of mother and son is this: "Well, have you ever been a mother?"
The answer is no. I have never been a mother, don't want to be a mother. In this case, I don't care about the issues surrounding the welfare and satisfaction of mothers. That's for another time and place. Instead, I am reacting as an expert on behavior and also as a man who was a boy. As a boy, I was bullied. This controversy is about the welfare of the boy, not the mother.
One of the other thing that I hear is that "our culture has messed with your head and taught you that boys shouldn't wear pink. Let them wear pink."  But a helpless boy - with no voice and no choice - who is thrust into a major corporation's ad campaign is more likely to be bullied. No matter what his "gender identity," he still masculine instinct. One's sense of what feels masculine or feminine doesn't get determined by culture. It's encoded in our biology and subject to the natural forces of human evolution. The boy very well could be bullied as a result of the ad, and his mother might be very well be oblivious to the bullying and its effects on his developing psyche.
Try this: the way I feel emotionally when I hear about the toenail-painted boy would be similar to how many women might feel if they heard of the male CEO of a motorcycle manufacturer - tossing his young daughter onto the back of a chopper, no seat-belts, telling her to hold on, and revving the tires to a squeal as they take off down a gravel road.
How would that feel to many women to hear of? Would they be concerned for the girl's safety? Would they suspect the father of using his daughter only for the benefit of his company, or further - to simply aggrandize himself, showing how cool he is?  Would they wonder why the mother does not stop him and say, "Hey, you will NOT do that with my daughter! Not in THIS household! Get her off that bike or we're getting a divorce. I'm calling the police!"
You bet.
The same emotions are at work. The same alarm bells ring that something is wrong there. Yet, with J. Crew mother and son, we don't ask where the father is. We don't ask what he would say, or why.  Men are not allowed to complain or resist against the juggernaut of the cool, corporate mom. While the debate about whether toenails should be painted pink or blue or not painted at all rages on, it is important to wonder whether there is a missing voice in the conversation.
It's voice of the mature masculine man.

When Femininity Isn't Enough

By Dr. Paul Dobransky, WomensHappiness.com, Founder
Sometimes, our instincts are not enough to guide our decisions in this world. This goes for men and women. We need to take into account the community, and also the instincts and perspectives of the opposite gender.
Take, for example, the recent controversy surrounding the President and Creative Director of J. Crew, Jenna Lyons.
This mother and titan of business (she has been mentioned as a potential CEO for this powerful clothing brand) featured her young son in photographic company promotional materials - ostensibly to show that her family uses J Crew clothing, and that she is accessible and down-to-earth. We do not doubt that she, like all good mothers, loves her child.
Yet there's something in the photo that bothers me.
Why?
She is painting her five-year-old son's toenails hot pink.
Many women have written us about this and said things like, "Come on. Relax. It's just a touching moment between mother and son."
My own executive assistant even chimed in to that effect, having a young son herself, and having indulged in the same activity. Yet in her case - she is a woman with great savvy about men's thinking, identity, and behavior - one would not be worried about the future outcome for her PARTICULAR son.
The same is possibly true of the J. Crew President and her son, but that is not the point. In individual exceptional cases, potentially damaging behavior can work out okay in the end. But the photo is not an exemplary example for millions of parents on the receiving end of the advertising message.
A recommendation for healthy growth and development for half of humanity - men - ought not be derived from one charming moment between mother and son. The photo is broadcasting that it's normal and okay to do this, when it really is not. And the issue is not limited to feeling comfortable in one's relation to a mother, to creative expression, or to the tolerance of varying gender identities in others. The biggest problem with the photo has received very little attention in the media: bullying.

Bullying is the problem

One big, bold, blatant worry a typical male and father might see in the photo is that of bullying. The photo is an announcement of open season on one's son for the schoolyard jerks and others, including hurtful comments from female classmates, which are no less devastating to the developing male psyche.
Bullying is perpetrated more frequently perpetrated in emotional violence - and by girls too - than by physical violence. See the ground-breaking research on emotional bullying surrounding the Columbine tragedy by Dr. Robert Galatzer-Levy of the University of Chicago.
Bullying is more than physical. Hurtful words - coming from the mouths of girls as well as boys - delivers a blow to the young psyche that is no different than a punch to the face. I know this on a personal level, too. I was the object of relentless emotional bullying all through grade school. Few people ever knew - not teachers, not my parents, and not even my brothers.
Why? Because a boy's masculine instinct discourages him from complaining to others or seeking help for mere "emotional bullying." Boy and man alike will "suck it up" and absorb the psychic damage. We do not wish to appear weak to other boys or men. It makes sense that we have this instinct. In earlier times, appearing weak to other men in the tribe, to women, and to those outside of the tribe would mean certain harm or death.
A boy knowing that he let himself down and couldn't defend himself will find it hard to look in the mirror.
One typical retort you may hear if you disagreed with the ad of mother and son is this: "Well, have you ever been a mother?"
The answer is no. I have never been a mother, don't want to be a mother. In this case, I don't care about the issues surrounding the welfare and satisfaction of mothers. That's for another time and place. Instead, I am reacting as an expert on behavior and also as a man who was a boy. As a boy, I was bullied. This controversy is about the welfare of the boy, not the mother.
One of the other thing that I hear is that "our culture has messed with your head and taught you that boys shouldn't wear pink. Let them wear pink."  But a helpless boy - with no voice and no choice - who is thrust into a major corporation's ad campaign is more likely to be bullied. No matter what his "gender identity," he still masculine instinct. One's sense of what feels masculine or feminine doesn't get determined by culture. It's encoded in our biology and subject to the natural forces of human evolution. The boy very well could be bullied as a result of the ad, and his mother might be very well be oblivious to the bullying and its effects on his developing psyche.
Try this: the way I feel emotionally when I hear about the toenail-painted boy would be similar to how many women might feel if they heard of the male CEO of a motorcycle manufacturer - tossing his young daughter onto the back of a chopper, no seat-belts, telling her to hold on, and revving the tires to a squeal as they take off down a gravel road.
How would that feel to many women to hear of? Would they be concerned for the girl's safety? Would they suspect the father of using his daughter only for the benefit of his company, or further - to simply aggrandize himself, showing how cool he is?  Would they wonder why the mother does not stop him and say, "Hey, you will NOT do that with my daughter! Not in THIS household! Get her off that bike or we're getting a divorce. I'm calling the police!"
You bet.
The same emotions are at work. The same alarm bells ring that something is wrong there. Yet, with J. Crew mother and son, we don't ask where the father is. We don't ask what he would say, or why.  Men are not allowed to complain or resist against the juggernaut of the cool, corporate mom. While the debate about whether toenails should be painted pink or blue or not painted at all rages on, it is important to wonder whether there is a missing voice in the conversation.
It's voice of the mature masculine man.

Balancing the Feminine Instinct

 Balancing the Feminine Instinct

This week, look to balance your natural feminine instincts by considering outside perspectives, including the masculine instincts of the men (or boys) in your life.

The key to this is Observing Ego, which monitors the dynamics at play in any situation:

-If you have a child, consider the feminine drives that lead you to certain behaviors. Then, consider it from the child's perspective, and also from the father's perspective. (For example, a desire to paint your five-year-old son's toes pink. How will his father reach to such a thing?) 

-If you are single and dating, your feminine instincts will drive you to seek resources, usually in the form of great dates with men, dinners out on the town or special trips. Consider the man's masculine needs in dating: to find a woman who would respect him and admire him for what he does and who he is.

-With your girlfriends, be mindful of feminine group behavior. Are you excluding other women from the group without reason? Are you unfairly biased against your friend's new boyfriend, out of group solidarity?

Feminine instinct is a wonderful thing. So is masculine instinct. Both need to be used effectively in social situations with the help of Observing Ego.

Balancing the Feminine Instinct

 Balancing the Feminine Instinct

This week, look to balance your natural feminine instincts by considering outside perspectives, including the masculine instincts of the men (or boys) in your life.

The key to this is Observing Ego, which monitors the dynamics at play in any situation:

-If you have a child, consider the feminine drives that lead you to certain behaviors. Then, consider it from the child's perspective, and also from the father's perspective. (For example, a desire to paint your five-year-old son's toes pink. How will his father reach to such a thing?) 

-If you are single and dating, your feminine instincts will drive you to seek resources, usually in the form of great dates with men, dinners out on the town or special trips. Consider the man's masculine needs in dating: to find a woman who would respect him and admire him for what he does and who he is.

-With your girlfriends, be mindful of feminine group behavior. Are you excluding other women from the group without reason? Are you unfairly biased against your friend's new boyfriend, out of group solidarity?

Feminine instinct is a wonderful thing. So is masculine instinct. Both need to be used effectively in social situations with the help of Observing Ego.

You Are Eternally Feminine

By Allison Ryan, WomensHappiness Staff Writer
Who do you see when you look in the mirror? 
In the Snow White fairy tale, the Evil Queen asks, “Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all?” 
To which the mirror replies, “You, my Queen, are fairest of all."
Later in the story, the Evil Queen asks the mirror the same question as Snow White is growing into a woman. The mirror replies, “Queen, you are full fair, 'tis true, but Snow White is fairer than you."
Finally, the Queen, believing Snow White is dead, asks the mirror again and hears, “"You, my Queen, are fair; it is true. But the young queen is a thousand times fairer than you."
I hate fairy tales and princess stories, but I have always found the Evil Queen’s words to be fascinating. They summarize the insecurities we struggle with every time we look in a mirror.
As depicted by the Brothers Grimm, the Evil Queen is an aging woman who resents and even sets out to kill Snow White out of jealousy over Snow White’s youth and beauty. The Evil Queen is narcissistic and, well, evil. But she’s only a fictional character, so let’s cut her a little bit of slack for a moment.
I have always chosen to view the Queen with empathy. She represents each woman’s internal battle to become comfortable in her own skin. By asking the same question over and over, the Queen forces us to accept that on some days we are the fairest in the land, and on other days, we  believe we are not as perfect as the woman standing next to us.
However, the Queen does not understand is that she remains feminine. She never gets that she is always a woman of beauty, radiance, and femininity, no matter who is “fairer” on a given day. This is taught in the Complete Feminine Empowerment program.
What does the mirror of self-image tell us each day?
“You, my Queen are the fairest of them all”
A day when we ask the mirror “who is the fairest of them all?” and the answer is, “You my Queen, are the fairest of them all” is a great day!
We look in the mirror and feel confident and happy. We see ourselves from the inside out: happy, mature, and confident on the inside.
On the outside, we see ourselves as pretty, which makes us embrace life to its fullest. We are more attractive to men and have more success in our careers, and we are content with who we are and where we have been.
Although we don’t know where our journey will lead, we are embracing it with open minds and hearts prepared for every twist and turn, simply because we believe in ourselves. For these all too brief moments, we truly know we are the fairest in the land. 
“Queen, you are full fair, 'tis true, but Snow White is fairer than you."
This is the answer I hear when I am having a bad day. Instead of Snow White, I see “Tucked in and Belted White.”
She is the woman I see when I am at the convenience store at 8:00 in the morning. I am in sweat pants and yesterday’s make up. She walks with her personal ray of sunshine, reflecting the natural highlights in her shiny hair that cascades down her pressed shirt, which is tucked in and belted to the perfect fitting jeans.
I have learned that Tucked in and Belted White has no actual meaning in my life. I cannot be controlled by her apparent perfection. I must acknowledge my insecurities and let them go by employing strong boundaries and believing in myself.
 “You, my queen, are fair; it is true. But the young queen is a thousand times fairer than you."
This is the answer I hear when I am out on a Saturday night at a place filled with the version of Snow White I like to call “The Club White.”
Club Whites are younger than me, thinner than me, and they have perky breasts that do not require military precision and planning to stand at attention for more than two hours (in a row).  Club Whites have always affected me in the same way. I am instantly insecure about my looks; I hate my outfit, my hair and everything else. I miss out on the fun and excitement of the moment because I have let Club White get under my skin.
I know I must accept myself for who I am and not worry about the Club Whites. To get myself back to the right frame of mind, I think about how much wisdom I have gained since I was in their high heels.
I have learned to celebrate the Club Whites and wish them well on their journey to become the Fairest in the Land. 
Letting Go of the Poison Apples
It is tempting to look at the Tucked in and Belted Whites and the Club Whites and really want to offer them a bite of the poison apple - or a sip of the poison appletini.
What would we gain though?
The Complete Feminine Empowerment program shows us how to embrace femininity at every age. Our feminine power never goes away, no matter what the mirror tells us. 
In the Snow White story, the Evil Queen never reaches the point in her life where she is happy and confident in her own skin. She wastes her life wallowing in jealousy and envy never truly able to appreciate her journey.  She never believed she was the Fairest in the Land.
She doubted herself and constantly sought validation from the mirror, rather than from within herself. 
As punishment for her wicked ways, the Evil Queen receives a pair of heated iron shoes during Snow White’s wedding. The Queen must step into the iron shoes and dance until she drops dead.
I choose to believe in myself and refuse to wear the iron shoes of judgment, jealousy and regret.

You Are Eternally Feminine

By Allison Ryan, WomensHappiness Staff Writer
Who do you see when you look in the mirror? 
In the Snow White fairy tale, the Evil Queen asks, “Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all?” 
To which the mirror replies, “You, my Queen, are fairest of all."
Later in the story, the Evil Queen asks the mirror the same question as Snow White is growing into a woman. The mirror replies, “Queen, you are full fair, 'tis true, but Snow White is fairer than you."
Finally, the Queen, believing Snow White is dead, asks the mirror again and hears, “"You, my Queen, are fair; it is true. But the young queen is a thousand times fairer than you."
I hate fairy tales and princess stories, but I have always found the Evil Queen’s words to be fascinating. They summarize the insecurities we struggle with every time we look in a mirror.
As depicted by the Brothers Grimm, the Evil Queen is an aging woman who resents and even sets out to kill Snow White out of jealousy over Snow White’s youth and beauty. The Evil Queen is narcissistic and, well, evil. But she’s only a fictional character, so let’s cut her a little bit of slack for a moment.
I have always chosen to view the Queen with empathy. She represents each woman’s internal battle to become comfortable in her own skin. By asking the same question over and over, the Queen forces us to accept that on some days we are the fairest in the land, and on other days, we  believe we are not as perfect as the woman standing next to us.
However, the Queen does not understand is that she remains feminine. She never gets that she is always a woman of beauty, radiance, and femininity, no matter who is “fairer” on a given day. This is taught in the Complete Feminine Empowerment program.
What does the mirror of self-image tell us each day?
“You, my Queen are the fairest of them all”
A day when we ask the mirror “who is the fairest of them all?” and the answer is, “You my Queen, are the fairest of them all” is a great day!
We look in the mirror and feel confident and happy. We see ourselves from the inside out: happy, mature, and confident on the inside.
On the outside, we see ourselves as pretty, which makes us embrace life to its fullest. We are more attractive to men and have more success in our careers, and we are content with who we are and where we have been.
Although we don’t know where our journey will lead, we are embracing it with open minds and hearts prepared for every twist and turn, simply because we believe in ourselves. For these all too brief moments, we truly know we are the fairest in the land. 
“Queen, you are full fair, 'tis true, but Snow White is fairer than you."
This is the answer I hear when I am having a bad day. Instead of Snow White, I see “Tucked in and Belted White.”
She is the woman I see when I am at the convenience store at 8:00 in the morning. I am in sweat pants and yesterday’s make up. She walks with her personal ray of sunshine, reflecting the natural highlights in her shiny hair that cascades down her pressed shirt, which is tucked in and belted to the perfect fitting jeans.
I have learned that Tucked in and Belted White has no actual meaning in my life. I cannot be controlled by her apparent perfection. I must acknowledge my insecurities and let them go by employing strong boundaries and believing in myself.
 “You, my queen, are fair; it is true. But the young queen is a thousand times fairer than you."
This is the answer I hear when I am out on a Saturday night at a place filled with the version of Snow White I like to call “The Club White.”
Club Whites are younger than me, thinner than me, and they have perky breasts that do not require military precision and planning to stand at attention for more than two hours (in a row).  Club Whites have always affected me in the same way. I am instantly insecure about my looks; I hate my outfit, my hair and everything else. I miss out on the fun and excitement of the moment because I have let Club White get under my skin.
I know I must accept myself for who I am and not worry about the Club Whites. To get myself back to the right frame of mind, I think about how much wisdom I have gained since I was in their high heels.
I have learned to celebrate the Club Whites and wish them well on their journey to become the Fairest in the Land. 
Letting Go of the Poison Apples
It is tempting to look at the Tucked in and Belted Whites and the Club Whites and really want to offer them a bite of the poison apple - or a sip of the poison appletini.
What would we gain though?
The Complete Feminine Empowerment program shows us how to embrace femininity at every age. Our feminine power never goes away, no matter what the mirror tells us. 
In the Snow White story, the Evil Queen never reaches the point in her life where she is happy and confident in her own skin. She wastes her life wallowing in jealousy and envy never truly able to appreciate her journey.  She never believed she was the Fairest in the Land.
She doubted herself and constantly sought validation from the mirror, rather than from within herself. 
As punishment for her wicked ways, the Evil Queen receives a pair of heated iron shoes during Snow White’s wedding. The Queen must step into the iron shoes and dance until she drops dead.
I choose to believe in myself and refuse to wear the iron shoes of judgment, jealousy and regret.

How to Handle a Player

QUESTION from the WomensHappiness Forum:  Any thoughts on how to deal with a player? I feel really stupid because I thought we were connecting emotionally, and now I just feel really hurt. His other girlfriend showed up while I was with him. I think he revels in the attention he gets from more than one woman. Unfortunately, I have to be around him on an ongoing basis, so I would really appreciate some suggestions on how to act around him going forward. I know that there is no commitment, but I want him to know that I'm the kind of woman who wants to be respected. How do I let him know that?

ANSWER from the WomensHappiness Forum:  In these situations, it's easy to apply the instincts, habits and traits of one gender to another. Women often compete with one another for the attention, or as you say, the respect, of one man. But men do not view this as a competition among women. In other words, men do not typically preside over or "judge" a competition among women, comparing you directly with the other woman, and then decide which one of you is worthy of respect and attention.

A man is more inclined to want to BE in a competition, not judge between you and another woman vying for his attention. Therefore, the way to gain his respect is to be more challenging and alluring to him than the other woman. You will want to try to spark his competitive instinct. If a man finds two women in his social circle to be attractive, and if one of the women is more nonchalant than the other, then he'll be more inclined to pursue the aloof woman. She is more of a challenge to him.

So the competition between you and his other girl is more of a friendship issue between the two of you than an attraction issue with the man. He obviously finds you both attractive. His masculine instinct drives him to want to pursue whichever one of you is more challenging. When you are in his presence, show attention to other men in the vicinity. This will trigger his instinct to compete against other men. If the other woman is paying attention to him while you are paying attention to other men in his presence, then he will naturally want to take up the challenge of pursuing you. The competition is between the man and the other men, the environment and the challenge that YOU represent. The competition is not between you and the other woman. For more about challenging a man and competition among women,

How to Handle a Player

QUESTION from the WomensHappiness Forum:  Any thoughts on how to deal with a player? I feel really stupid because I thought we were connecting emotionally, and now I just feel really hurt. His other girlfriend showed up while I was with him. I think he revels in the attention he gets from more than one woman. Unfortunately, I have to be around him on an ongoing basis, so I would really appreciate some suggestions on how to act around him going forward. I know that there is no commitment, but I want him to know that I'm the kind of woman who wants to be respected. How do I let him know that?

ANSWER from the WomensHappiness Forum:  In these situations, it's easy to apply the instincts, habits and traits of one gender to another. Women often compete with one another for the attention, or as you say, the respect, of one man. But men do not view this as a competition among women. In other words, men do not typically preside over or "judge" a competition among women, comparing you directly with the other woman, and then decide which one of you is worthy of respect and attention.

A man is more inclined to want to BE in a competition, not judge between you and another woman vying for his attention. Therefore, the way to gain his respect is to be more challenging and alluring to him than the other woman. You will want to try to spark his competitive instinct. If a man finds two women in his social circle to be attractive, and if one of the women is more nonchalant than the other, then he'll be more inclined to pursue the aloof woman. She is more of a challenge to him.

So the competition between you and his other girl is more of a friendship issue between the two of you than an attraction issue with the man. He obviously finds you both attractive. His masculine instinct drives him to want to pursue whichever one of you is more challenging. When you are in his presence, show attention to other men in the vicinity. This will trigger his instinct to compete against other men. If the other woman is paying attention to him while you are paying attention to other men in his presence, then he will naturally want to take up the challenge of pursuing you. The competition is between the man and the other men, the environment and the challenge that YOU represent. The competition is not between you and the other woman. For more about challenging a man and competition among women,

Complete Feminine Empowerment

Courses

Complete Feminine Empowerment: The NEW Complete Feminine Empowerment is available for PREORDER! I stepped back. Waaaay back and thought about all-new models of psychology for this one, then I STARTED FROM SCRATCH in designing it. It’s inexpensive, it is the latest of the latest in my overall strategies and tactics of BEING AN EMPOWERED WOMAN, and will be material you can IMMEDIATELY go out and use in your life.
Complete Feminine Empowerment (CD's/DVD's)	Info	Buy Now
Seventh Sense Program: Passion, Love, and Partnership/Commitment are NOT the same things. They occur in three separate areas of the brain, and have a dynamics all their own. Yet having ONLY passion OR love OR partnership are not enough by themselves – they link together into what can be called COURTSHIP. This highest end technology we provide, trains you to master every aspect of dating and relationships to the other gender, and not just in a one-time, quick fix way. Those who own it notice that in returning to the discs 6 months, one year, and multiple years later, the course “follows them through life” teaching all new lessons as real life’s events come up.  It is top to bottom, from first meeting, into deep within marriage if you so choose, and covers relations to the opposite sex throughout the whole life span.  The last word on dating, relationships and romance.
Seventh Sense Program (CD's)	Info	Buy Now
Seventh Sense Program (CD's + DVD's)	Info	Buy Now
Mind-OS Mastery: The bottom line on a whole new way of understanding character and personal growth. The motto: “Character is Destiny,” and so if you ever wondered what EXACTLY leads to success, self-esteem and personal happiness and fulfillment, this is exactly how. With scientific precision, not just motivation or inspiration.
Mind-OS Mastery (DVD's + CD's + eCourse bundle) (items Not sold separately)	Info	Buy Now
KWML Mastery: Money doesn’t “make the world go ‘round.” FRIENDSHIP does. Anyone who has ever found a lasting bond in a relationship, raises, promotions or stable wealth didn’t do it with the perfect wardrobe, resume or compliments. They did it through FRIENDSHIP CONNECTIONS. This is a whole new technology of friendship, which can be equally applied to both one’s career, and to dating and romance. In fact, it defines the very concept we all call “best friendship.”
KWML Mastery (DVD's + CD's + eCourse bundle) (items Not sold separately)	Info	Buy Now
Meeting of the Minds: All of the above are like the “courses,” But let’s not forget that when you read your course materials, you can also “come to class,” which is where the 24-7 “office hours” of the forums and the “classroom” style setting of the LIVE PHONE WORK you can do with Dr Paul and team brings you into the real HOW-TO of making changes in your life. That’s the subscription service called www.doctorpauloncall.com.
Meeting of the Minds (30 Day Membership)	Info	Buy Now
Meeting of the Minds (6 Month Membership)	Info	Buy Now
Teleseminars Archive: This is like being a “fly on the wall” for numerous hours of advice to many others having real world challenges. If you have at least one other course, listening to the more than 40 hours of live coaching and advice really hammers home the exact way to use the courses we offer, by applying them to real world challenges of real people you will hear right on the recordings. Any and every challenge that men and women face in romance, the workplace, in friendships and family problems, and life in general, are thoroughly covered. This is taking all we have, and drilling deep into the real world practicalities of solving problems.	Info	Buy Now
The Three Brains Of Mr. Right Home Study Course		Info & Buy Now

Complete Feminine Empowerment

Courses

Complete Feminine Empowerment: The NEW Complete Feminine Empowerment is available for PREORDER! I stepped back. Waaaay back and thought about all-new models of psychology for this one, then I STARTED FROM SCRATCH in designing it. It’s inexpensive, it is the latest of the latest in my overall strategies and tactics of BEING AN EMPOWERED WOMAN, and will be material you can IMMEDIATELY go out and use in your life.
Complete Feminine Empowerment (CD's/DVD's)	Info	Buy Now
Seventh Sense Program: Passion, Love, and Partnership/Commitment are NOT the same things. They occur in three separate areas of the brain, and have a dynamics all their own. Yet having ONLY passion OR love OR partnership are not enough by themselves – they link together into what can be called COURTSHIP. This highest end technology we provide, trains you to master every aspect of dating and relationships to the other gender, and not just in a one-time, quick fix way. Those who own it notice that in returning to the discs 6 months, one year, and multiple years later, the course “follows them through life” teaching all new lessons as real life’s events come up.  It is top to bottom, from first meeting, into deep within marriage if you so choose, and covers relations to the opposite sex throughout the whole life span.  The last word on dating, relationships and romance.
Seventh Sense Program (CD's)	Info	Buy Now
Seventh Sense Program (CD's + DVD's)	Info	Buy Now
Mind-OS Mastery: The bottom line on a whole new way of understanding character and personal growth. The motto: “Character is Destiny,” and so if you ever wondered what EXACTLY leads to success, self-esteem and personal happiness and fulfillment, this is exactly how. With scientific precision, not just motivation or inspiration.
Mind-OS Mastery (DVD's + CD's + eCourse bundle) (items Not sold separately)	Info	Buy Now
KWML Mastery: Money doesn’t “make the world go ‘round.” FRIENDSHIP does. Anyone who has ever found a lasting bond in a relationship, raises, promotions or stable wealth didn’t do it with the perfect wardrobe, resume or compliments. They did it through FRIENDSHIP CONNECTIONS. This is a whole new technology of friendship, which can be equally applied to both one’s career, and to dating and romance. In fact, it defines the very concept we all call “best friendship.”
KWML Mastery (DVD's + CD's + eCourse bundle) (items Not sold separately)	Info	Buy Now
Meeting of the Minds: All of the above are like the “courses,” But let’s not forget that when you read your course materials, you can also “come to class,” which is where the 24-7 “office hours” of the forums and the “classroom” style setting of the LIVE PHONE WORK you can do with Dr Paul and team brings you into the real HOW-TO of making changes in your life. That’s the subscription service called www.doctorpauloncall.com.
Meeting of the Minds (30 Day Membership)	Info	Buy Now
Meeting of the Minds (6 Month Membership)	Info	Buy Now
Teleseminars Archive: This is like being a “fly on the wall” for numerous hours of advice to many others having real world challenges. If you have at least one other course, listening to the more than 40 hours of live coaching and advice really hammers home the exact way to use the courses we offer, by applying them to real world challenges of real people you will hear right on the recordings. Any and every challenge that men and women face in romance, the workplace, in friendships and family problems, and life in general, are thoroughly covered. This is taking all we have, and drilling deep into the real world practicalities of solving problems.	Info	Buy Now
The Three Brains Of Mr. Right Home Study Course		Info & Buy Now

ASSIGNMENT - Defeating Jealousy

This week, pay close attention to your own "self-talk" regarding other women.

Do you detect any jealousy toward other women?

Perhaps you've been jealous of women who are younger or who have more "resources" than you at present.

Jealousy can be a destructive force in your life. Try to say "no" to jealousy. Refuse to let jealousy toward another woman occupy your thoughts and feelings.

Most of all, realize that beauty is always in the eye of the beholder, and femininity only grows in a woman as long as she is open to gaining experience and staying with her purpose.

Transform the negative energy of jealousy into positive action toward your purpose, whatever you have chosen: Career. Children. Friendship. Family. And the opportunities and possibilities for romance and love. Perhaps it's time to start a new chapter in your life, and leave jealousy behind.

ASSIGNMENT - Defeating Jealousy

This week, pay close attention to your own "self-talk" regarding other women.

Do you detect any jealousy toward other women?

Perhaps you've been jealous of women who are younger or who have more "resources" than you at present.

Jealousy can be a destructive force in your life. Try to say "no" to jealousy. Refuse to let jealousy toward another woman occupy your thoughts and feelings.

Most of all, realize that beauty is always in the eye of the beholder, and femininity only grows in a woman as long as she is open to gaining experience and staying with her purpose.

Transform the negative energy of jealousy into positive action toward your purpose, whatever you have chosen: Career. Children. Friendship. Family. And the opportunities and possibilities for romance and love. Perhaps it's time to start a new chapter in your life, and leave jealousy behind.

How to Have Casual Sex with a Man and Still Be Respected

Question: How might a woman be able to have casual sex and still be regarded with a high degree of respect, honesty, integrity and consideration from her man?

Answer: By remaining a challenge to win over and over again. And again and again!

It's a common error for both genders to project their own instinctual preferences onto the other.

Women tend to look down on the casual sexual relationships of other women. Women also tend to look down on themselves for having casual relationships. But men tend not to look down on casual relationships, either toward themselves or toward other men.

The reason is biology and our natural, unconscious gender instincts. Throughout life, women produce only 100-200 eggs. Therefore, the instinct of femininity is to guard the eggs, and be choosy about which man to sleep with. What goes against nature is what constitutes a taboo. Think of the novel The Scarlet Letter, in which the community in pre-colonial America punishes the woman for an adulterous affair, not the man. For a woman, it would be taboo to have sex with a man who might not be around to provide for her offspring. She must be choosy.
Men, who produce billions of sperm throughout a lifetime, possess far less of an instinctual drive to be choosy and discriminating about who to sleep with. So women and men differ completely in their instincts toward casual sex. Of course, this does not mean a man cannot be discriminating and a woman cannot be wanton. We humans consist of more than just animal instincts. Each of us has moral, practical and preferential considerations when it comes to casual sex. For each of us, it's a complex decision involving many factors.
The reason we emphasize the instincts over other factors is two-fold:
1) Our instincts are often unconscious. Becoming more aware of our unconsious drives helps us in all realms of decision-making in life.
2) Our instincts are far more powerful in influencing our actions than we realize. Because our instincts are tied directly to survival and reproduction, they tend to play a larger role in our behavior than our emotions and certainly more than our rational thought. It's a natural human tendency to act instinctually first and then rationalize later!

Therefore, a woman might want to have a one-night stand but instinctually hold back out of fear of what her friends might think. A man might have a one-night stand against his better judgment because it feels right at the time.
But a specific woman, such as yourself, can certainly be open a casual sexual relationship at some point in her life. She might have reached a stage when she wants to explore her sexuality and feel attractive. She might be just out of a difficult relationship, newly free and want to explore.

Even then, the sex at least needs to be special (owing to the instinct to be discriminating and choosy with men). A woman should not place herself in danger, self-harm or even go below her own standards in what she wants in a man.
You need not worry about being judged by the man. Men do not instinctively judge women for behavior that is so natural and common to them. Men naturally want to have sexual interest in many women over the course of a lifetime. (The judgment will come from your friends, family and possibily community if they find out. See The Scarlet Letter. Even your closest girlfriends are still women with an instinct to judge others in this regard.)

So the man will not be the one to judge you. However, men also respond instinctually to a woman who is challenging and hard to get. So while men generally will not disrespect you for casual sexual behavior, they will lose interest if you are not a continual challenge. In short, men tend to lose interest in a woman who is too easy and will quickly gravitate toward another woman who presents more of a challenge.
So, if you enter into a casual relationship with a man, continue to flirt with him and be challenging to him. Continue to play games a little bit and make him chase you. This will continue to work as long as its clear to him that you WANT him to win the challenge. This also set the stage for the fling to potentially develop into a relationship, if you both so choose. It's all in the Seventh Sense Program.
A woman's playful, flirtatious but CHALLENGING behavior keeps a man interested in a her as a sex partner and also as a potential mate. That's because winning her over makes him feel more masculine, again and again. He can begin to see her as the kind of woman who makes him feel passionate and alive. Even a committed long-term relationship could ultimately result from a casual fling if the man see his sexual partner as alluring and the ultimate "prize" to be won in life.
Eventually, along-term relationship would involves far more than just our instincts. It all begins with sexual attraction. Whether the relationship is casual or turning serious, he will "respect" you for offering him a challenge and in so doing raise his level of masculinity, even though he might not conciously realize it.