According to the National Step-parenting Association, over 25% of brides or grooms have children from a previous marriage or relationship. Bringing a new spouse into the parent-child relationship can be a challenge. Children may feel threatened by the loss of their parent’s time and attention. They may feel that they are no longer loved as much as they were previously and this can lead to resentment toward the new spouse.
By including the child in the wedding planning and in the ceremony, the parent and the new step-parent can demonstrate that they love the child and want to create a new family relationship. The step-parent will be perceived as a supportive and loving person rather than an intruder.
As soon as a couple becomes engaged, the children should be the first ones to be informed of the wedding plans. Don’t let them hear the news second hand. If there is an ex-spouse, he or she will need to be informed as well and any necessary visitation arrangements made so the children can be present at the wedding.
If the children are old enough, let them be involved in the wedding planning. Take them shopping; let them help make decorations, favors, and other items. Ask them to be part of the wedding party. Let them have a say in choosing what they will wear. Include older girls when having hair and nails done before the wedding. If the child first refuses to become involved, that is okay. They may need time to adjust to the idea of their parent’s marriage. Don’t force them, but instead let them set the pace. Most come around in time.
On the wedding day, the new spouse may want to make a vow of commitment to the children as part of the wedding ceremony. The couple should first exchange their vows and rings and be pronounced husband and wife. Then, the children can be asked to join the couple. The new spouse can then vow to love, cherish, encourage, respect, support, and nurture the child/children. He/she may want to include other things in the vow as well. For instance, if the child loves baseball, the bride/groom might vow to teach him/her to pitch, knowing that the child can fully grasp that idea. Include those attributes in the vow that are most appropriate to your relationship.
As a part of the ceremony, the new step-parent may choose to present the child with a Family Medallion or another tangible reminder of the vow. The Family Medallion is a necklace with a small medallion. The medallion is oval and contains three intertwining circles representing the parent, new step-parent, and the child. The child’s name and the date can be engraved on the back of the medallion. The medallion comes with a booklet of suggested readings and/or prayers for presentation.
It takes time to develop a relationship with a step-child, but it is important to the success of the marriage that the child feel that he/she is a part of the new family. By including the child in the wedding planning and the ceremony, the foundation for the future relationship can be established.
By including the child in the wedding planning and in the ceremony, the parent and the new step-parent can demonstrate that they love the child and want to create a new family relationship. The step-parent will be perceived as a supportive and loving person rather than an intruder.
As soon as a couple becomes engaged, the children should be the first ones to be informed of the wedding plans. Don’t let them hear the news second hand. If there is an ex-spouse, he or she will need to be informed as well and any necessary visitation arrangements made so the children can be present at the wedding.
If the children are old enough, let them be involved in the wedding planning. Take them shopping; let them help make decorations, favors, and other items. Ask them to be part of the wedding party. Let them have a say in choosing what they will wear. Include older girls when having hair and nails done before the wedding. If the child first refuses to become involved, that is okay. They may need time to adjust to the idea of their parent’s marriage. Don’t force them, but instead let them set the pace. Most come around in time.
On the wedding day, the new spouse may want to make a vow of commitment to the children as part of the wedding ceremony. The couple should first exchange their vows and rings and be pronounced husband and wife. Then, the children can be asked to join the couple. The new spouse can then vow to love, cherish, encourage, respect, support, and nurture the child/children. He/she may want to include other things in the vow as well. For instance, if the child loves baseball, the bride/groom might vow to teach him/her to pitch, knowing that the child can fully grasp that idea. Include those attributes in the vow that are most appropriate to your relationship.
As a part of the ceremony, the new step-parent may choose to present the child with a Family Medallion or another tangible reminder of the vow. The Family Medallion is a necklace with a small medallion. The medallion is oval and contains three intertwining circles representing the parent, new step-parent, and the child. The child’s name and the date can be engraved on the back of the medallion. The medallion comes with a booklet of suggested readings and/or prayers for presentation.
It takes time to develop a relationship with a step-child, but it is important to the success of the marriage that the child feel that he/she is a part of the new family. By including the child in the wedding planning and the ceremony, the foundation for the future relationship can be established.
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