Question: How might a woman be able to have casual sex and still be regarded with a high degree of respect, honesty, integrity and consideration from her man?
Answer: By remaining a challenge to win over and over again. And again and again!
It's a common error for both genders to project their own instinctual preferences onto the other.
Women tend to look down on the casual sexual relationships of other women. Women also tend to look down on themselves for having casual relationships. But men tend not to look down on casual relationships, either toward themselves or toward other men.
The reason is biology and our natural, unconscious gender instincts. Throughout life, women produce only 100-200 eggs. Therefore, the instinct of femininity is to guard the eggs, and be choosy about which man to sleep with. What goes against nature is what constitutes a taboo. Think of the novel
The Scarlet Letter, in which the community in pre-colonial America punishes the woman for an adulterous affair, not the man. For a woman, it would be taboo to have sex with a man who might not be around to provide for her offspring. She must be choosy.
Men, who produce billions of sperm throughout a lifetime, possess far less of an instinctual drive to be choosy and discriminating about who to sleep with. So women and men differ completely in their instincts toward casual sex. Of course, this does not mean a man cannot be discriminating and a woman cannot be wanton. We humans consist of more than just animal instincts. Each of us has moral, practical and preferential considerations when it comes to casual sex. For each of us, it's a complex decision involving many factors.
The reason we emphasize the instincts over other factors is two-fold:
1) Our instincts are often unconscious. Becoming more aware of our unconsious drives helps us in all realms of decision-making in life.
2) Our instincts are far more powerful in influencing our actions than we realize. Because our instincts are tied directly to survival and reproduction, they tend to play a larger role in our behavior than our emotions and certainly more than our rational thought. It's a natural human tendency to act instinctually first and then rationalize later!
Therefore, a woman might want to have a one-night stand but instinctually hold back out of fear of what her friends might think. A man might have a one-night stand against his better judgment because it feels right at the time.
But a specific woman, such as yourself, can certainly be open a casual sexual relationship at some point in her life. She might have reached a stage when she wants to explore her sexuality and feel attractive. She might be just out of a difficult relationship, newly free and want to explore.
Even then, the sex at least needs to be special (owing to the instinct to be discriminating and choosy with men). A woman should not place herself in danger, self-harm or even go below her own standards in what she wants in a man.
You need not worry about being judged by the man. Men do not instinctively judge women for behavior that is so natural and common to them. Men naturally want to have sexual interest in many women over the course of a lifetime. (The judgment will come from your friends, family and possibily community if they find out. See
The Scarlet Letter. Even your closest girlfriends are still women with an instinct to judge others in this regard.)
So the man will not be the one to judge you. However, men also respond instinctually to a woman who is challenging and hard to get. So while men generally will not disrespect you for casual sexual behavior, they will lose interest if you are not a continual challenge. In short, men tend to lose interest in a woman who is too easy and will quickly gravitate toward another woman who presents more of a challenge.
So, if you enter into a casual relationship with a man, continue to flirt with him and be challenging to him. Continue to play games a little bit and make him chase you. This will continue to work as long as its clear to him that you WANT him to win the challenge. This also set the stage for the fling to potentially develop into a relationship, if you both so choose. It's all in the
Seventh Sense Program.
A woman's playful, flirtatious but CHALLENGING behavior keeps a man interested in a her as a sex partner and also as a potential mate. That's because winning her over makes him feel more masculine, again and again. He can begin to see her as the kind of woman who makes him feel passionate and alive. Even a committed long-term relationship could ultimately result from a casual fling if the man see his sexual partner as alluring and the ultimate "prize" to be won in life.
Eventually, along-term relationship would involves far more than just our instincts. It all begins with sexual attraction. Whether the relationship is casual or turning serious, he will "respect" you for offering him a challenge and in so doing raise his level of masculinity, even though he might not conciously realize it.
By Tony Monterastelli, WomensHappiness.com Staff Writer
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